tonight i took a trip down memory lane. for whatever reason, i felt compelled to look through old photo albums and scrapbooks. all of these albums were put together in the last 8 years since i came to nyc in the summer of '98. i haven't looked at some of those pictures in ages. it's a shame to see how i've already lost touch with people that i was close with then. which makes me wonder, of the people in my life right now i consider friends, who will i still be in touch with 8 years from now?

there were photos in there of me and people that i've dated over the last 8 years. and looking at those, i remembered how i broke a few hearts and how mine was broken. which prompted me to read old letters and greeting cards. at the time, i remember how those things meant so much to me. now they just seem like empty words that were written down. sure, the words that were written had meaning at the time, but now they seem so irrelevant and just a big lie. and i hate sounding so cynical and like a big asshole. i don't wanna whine about friendships, love, and relationships. but there have been very few people who have remained constants in my life over the last 8 years besides my family. which just makes me wonder who would really answer the phone in the middle of the night if i needed something instead of just letting it go to voicemail.

this post sucks.